Niles Gule decided he should be immune to humiliation by now. His co-workers Williams and Cooksey took perverted delight in tricking him into compromising situations and this was one of their better ruses. Niles squinted in the dull sunlight of an overcast day as he offered drinks to patrons at the Mid-Atlantic Air Museum in Reading PA. Problem one: the vampire was out in daylight. While the sun’s radiant glow wouldn’t vaporize him, it made his eyes sting and burned his fragile white skin. Problem two: he was dressed as a captain of the Nazi Wehrmacht circa 1945, cap, coat, jack boots and all. Problem three and the final humiliation: a German shepherd had taken a large hunk out of his trousers. He flashed more white skin on his backside than any self-respecting vampire should tolerate.
A Nazi, he muttered as he feigned a smile at a patron buying a grape Nehi from him. Sadly he fit. He was tall, slender, blue-eyed and blonde. During the war, when he’d worked as a saboteur in Germany for the Allies, he’d easily passed as the ultimate Aryan. Ironic, really, that the Nazis worshipped a patriotic-to-the-core American vampire determined to destroy their budding empire.
That rainy afternoon, Niles had been tricked by his two supposed friends into attending the WWII reenactment as costumed security. He’d not known the two Baltimore police officers hadn’t been hired at all. Instead, they’d come simply as re-enactors and conned Niles into joining them. His tangle with the German shepherd and the resulting damage to his borrowed uniform landed him in his current predicament. Denise Deems, the woman who’d loaned him the uniform, expected payback for the hole the dog had bitten in his rear end. So there he was, selling vintage sodas and tugging on his jacket to cover the hole.
I will have revenge, he swore as he smiled politely to a little girl and pondered how he would torture his enemies.
Biting them was out, he decided. It lacked finesse and one thing Niles prided himself on was his finesse. A vampire biting someone was just too… expected.
Activity at one of the tents caught his attention. With a wicked gleam shimmering in his blue eyes, Niles returned to Denise’s tent. He set down the empty soda crate that she could fill with more bottles.
He pointed to the hospital tent down the row. “How do they choose patients?”
Denise rummaged around her sales tent where she sold equipment and uniforms for re-enactors. “People volunteer.”
“So I could do it.”
Denise twitched her lips. “You could. But you should know those doctors are really into their craft. They use actual cow’s blood and intestines to make the re-enactment look real. It’s incredibly gory. I almost threw up the last time I was near the place.”
Niles felt his nose twitch. The scent wafting over the encampment smelled as good to him as frying bacon smelled to a human. He salivated and bit his lip to hide his eagerness.
He considered his uniform. “Since I’ve ruined it, do you mind if I go all the way?”
Denise laughed. “Ruined is ruined. You’ve sold more stuff for me today than all three of my pin-up girls.”
“When you see Williams and Cooksey, tell them where to find me.” He added a few extra instructions that she accepted with a grin.
When Niles arrived at the hospital tent he clenched his teeth to keep from groaning over the lush aromas of blood and cattle entrails that bathed the area. While humans found the smells appalling, they were perfume to a vampire. The “doctors” welcomed him when he agreed to be a patient totally eviscerated by a bomb shell. Niles fought to contain his glee as he lay down on a cot. The re-enactors sliced open his uniform and stuffed cattle guts into the hole. Then they splashed a gallon of blood over him. Immediately flies swarmed. Ah, heaven!
While Niles had a grand time moaning for the crowds that streamed past, Denise tracked down Williams and Cooksey. As she approached, Niles heard her following the script he’d given her.
“He was hit by a jeep! God, it’s awful! The ambulance is on the way but you really need to be here with him. He’s been calling for you.”
Niles squeezed his eyes shut and fought not to smile. He heard scuffling then a strangled gasp.
“Holy Mary Mother of Jesus!” Williams’ deep voice rumbled. “His guts are ripped out!”
“Yeah, the jeep’s front corner hit him at an angle. It really ripped him open.”
“I think I’m going to be sick!” Cooksey wheezed.
Niles heard Williams fall to his knees beside the cot. “Ghoul! Ghoul! You still alive?”
Niles lay absolutely still. He knew his white skin would make him look like a corpse. He let his tongue loll out.
“How are we going to explain this to Sarge?” Cooksey moaned. “You know how much he likes his personal…” He cut himself off before he said the word vampire. “I told you this joke was a bad idea! It’s all your fault!”
Niles’ sensitive hearing caught the sound of Williams scratching his head. “His insides don’t look so good.”
“They don’t smell so good either!” Cooksey complained. “Oh! This is bad! What are we going to do?”
“Maybe we can lie to Sarge.” Williams’ voice sounded doubtful. “Ah, hell! We can’t do that.”
“An ambulance isn’t going to help!” Cooksey’s voice rose to a squeak. “He can’t be treated by any regular doctor. They’ll figure it out and kill him.”
“Oh, Christ. You’re right. What the hell do we do?”
Niles decided to let them off the hook. He sat up and smiled.
Williams leaped fifty feet backwards.
“Jesus, God!” he swore as he tried to get his breath back and thumped his heart.
Cooksey simply fainted.
“What the hell?” Williams demanded. His eyes were wide staring orbs.
Niles gazed at his nemesis with innocent eyes. “What’s wrong?” He looked down at himself with the cattle entrails spewing from his uniform. “Oh this? No problem! A minor scratch.” He extended one long white finger to scrape up some blood. He looked Williams in the eye as he popped the finger into his mouth and sucked on it.
Now it was Williams’ turn to faint.
© 2016 Newmin
Niles comments: Paybacks are hell… he he he…